'Love and Marriage (1 Samuel 18:17-19-:17)'

Walter J. Chantry


'All of life does not have one dimension. This is true even for a young military officer, who is leading troops into combat againstthe constant raids from a persistently hostile neighbour-state. David would return to Gibeah to report on recent skirmishes. There would be found the infant trappings of a king's court; there would be a few hours taken with his friend Jonathan. There would be young women and the latest social news about young love. For David it was the springtime of manhood.

In a conversation between the king and the young warrior, Saul called David's attention to his elder daughter Merab. A princess! Her father promised to give her hand in marriage to David. A time for the wedding was actually set in making the proposition to David.

Discussion of this marriage makes no mention of love. David seemed to be genuinely troubled by social considerations. He was a poor man, starting out in life, unable to offer a dowry for a princess. His father was a farmer in Bethlehem. Who was he to become son-in-law to the king? Recognizing that David's hesitations arose from a sense of inferior social standing, Saul buttressed his hopes.

However, God, who searches all hearts, discloses to us the motives of Saul, which were fed by the dark spirit sent to the king to torment him. The monarch said that he only wanted David's loyalty to himself and to Jehovah in return for his daughter's hand and heart. Like the serpent of old, he lied. His desire was that David should die. He knew the Philistines would hear that David had become son-in-law to the king of Israel. Their hatred of the Jews would mark out David as their most wanted man. Saul even took God's name in vain with this ploy.

The cat was playing with the mouse. This cat would use affairs of the heart to betray his own daughter and the loyal soldier. Those who think that having parents make all arrangements for marriage will solve the social tragedies connected with young love have not considered the depravity of parents. Their self-interests have often led to their children's life-long misery. Saul would have been willing to make Merab a young widow to satisfy his envious malice.

At the very time when David had been promised union with Merab, her father gave her to another man, who is now utterly unknown apart from this marriage. What talk of these events would have run through the court in Gibeah! What embarrassment to the young captain! The cat's paw is very sharp.

Still the social contacts continued. New rumours began. These were more interesting. The word 'love' was being mentioned. As yet, the king had no awareness, but the gossip was that Michal, Saul's younger daughter, loved David. Romance is important to marriage. Husbands are expected to love their wives. Young women should have their affections engaged with the ones they marry.

This is one of the great mysteries propounded in Scripture by the words of Agur. 'The way of a man with a maid' is too wonderful for him to understand (Prov. 30:14). Even after having the experience, the chemistry of love cannot be explained. This is why love stories ever grip us. They are wondrous. When the eyes of the young meet, as words are exchanged (in teasing or in serious discourse), when notes are passed and read breathlessly to catch some hint of shared fondness, when meetings are arranged through intermediaries - a mutual attraction grows and a deep interest of affection is ignited. How did David and Michal meet? Was Jonathan a willing fan to these glowing embers?

This time a romance was underway before the king stirred the kettle. It was the princess who sent word to the king that she was in love. So it should be. If parents have their advice sought or their consent requested, the will of the children must be a primary concern. When Abraham's servant asked for the hand of Rebekah in marriage for Isaac, it came down to this question, asked of the young lady, 'Will you go with this man?' (Gen. 24:58).

This romance pleased Saul. It pleased him because he had been able to bring pain to David once. Now he may destroy David. The selfish tyrant cared nothing about the destruction of his daughter's heart and life in the process. Saul again purposed to give a daughter to David as the means of inciting Philistines to kill him. He gave David a second opportunity to be his son-in-law. This time, as a dowry he asked proof of David's having personally slain one hundred Philistines. He salivated at the anticipation that one heathen man of war would have the better of David. With what a dark countenance must he have greeted the news that David had quickly killed twice the number of foes requested!

It is an irony of history and of the Scripture record that Saul's is not the only heart so black with evil motive and deceit. David in this scene was done an enormous injustice. When David sat upon the throne, many years later, he used the precise devices to slay Uriah which were employed by Saul against himself. David could be Saul toward a soldier loyal to his king. Where, through the good providence of God, Saul failed, David succeeded in the deed of murder. Little do we realize that the same seeds of wickedness, which, in the hearts of other men, bring stabbing pain to us, lie within our own fallen nature. What a great business it is to 'keep the heart with all diligence'! David secured a home in Gibeah. There was a wedding day. The national hero married the princess. The ceremony is not described. Was it similar to Psalm 45, written by David? There, a wedding procession began at the groom's home. Riding upon a horse, in full military splendour, attended by noble men and women, did he process through the streets of Gibeah to Michal's house? There she nervously awaited her mighty lover. She was all beautiful within and without. The bride was taken by her husband, and they rode through the streets to shouts of joy and acclamation, back to David's home. There a feast had been prepared for family and friends. The banns of marriage had been publicly proclaimed in the streets and toasted at the feast.

Notwithstanding, they did not live happily ever after! Michal's father was interfering and manipulating. With words he gave his daughter to David. In fact, he would not acknowledge David's headship over her. The king expected first loyalty from Michal. Oh! The evils done in young marriages by the improper interventions of parents!

It is clear from Scripture that God advises newlyweds to rejoice in their new-found intimacy (Prov. 5:18-19). The first year is so foundational to a lifelong marriage that the Lord advises that even national emergencies should not interrupt the attention of newlyweds to each other (Deut. 24:5).

Saul, however, intended to dash the hopes of his daughter's love. He schemed for her to lay her beloved in the grave and never see her wedding day. When the marriage was consummated, the father-in-law moved from secret designs to spoken ones. Saul attempted to enlist his son and all his trusted servants to aid in David's murder. Now warnings began to come to the ears of David from Jonathan, and no doubt to Michal from family members or friends at court.

Jonathan wisely and boldly rebuked his father for his murderous intent within the family. Saul seemed to give heed to his son and swore on oath to Jehovah that David would not die by his hand. Thus, Jonathan patched up a very serious family feud. Following upon Jonathan's mediation, David continued to play his harp to soothe Saul's fevered moods. All too soon, however, the warrior-king had thrust his spear at his son-in-law, David, who was forced to flee from the ruler's presence to the relative safety of his newly-established home.

Immediately, royal guards were dispatched to David and Michal's home to keep them under surveillance until morning, when David should be killed. Within the home the young man and wife received friendly advice. It became clear to Michal that David must flee for his life in the next few hours or die. Truly loving her new husband, she chose him over her father. She created a furtive plan of escape and an appearance of David's being sick in bed, while David ran for his life.

In the morning a bloodthirsty king insisted that the 'sick' David be carried on his bed into his presence, so that the monarch might have the pleasure of personally killing him. When Michal's ruse was uncovered, the poor young wife was left alone to face her mad father's ravings. Under the pressure of the event, Michal diverted the wrath of Saul from herself by inventing the lie that her young husband had threatened her life.

Few young husbands and wives have had such stormy first months of marriage. When the home atmosphere cooled again, David and Michal must have had discussions of what transpired and what was said while they were so cruelly separated. Is it possible that these conversations strained their relationship in ways that never healed?

Saul kept David on the run from home and from wife for years. During that time, David entered that Satanic trap to which other Old Testament saints were blind - polygamy. Multiple marriages kept so many homes in turmoil and grief. Jealousies between wives, between half-brothers and half-sisters in the family would plague David to the very end.

Michal would have known that her husband, the hero of Israel, was the theme of every maiden's song. How the girls would watch his actions! How their romantic dreams would have been daggers to her! Some would even become rivals within her household. All of this distortion of home life was, in some measure, her father's marriage gift. He did not even grant to her the early months of joy which marriage should bring. Nor did David ever experience the normal, or divinely ordered, institution of marriage. Was the Bathsheba saga in some way an outworking of Saul's sin? David had his responsibilities for it and faced them. Yet the twistings of sin are intricate. Although we must not shift blame for our transgressions, there may be many who work at weaving the webs which entrap us.

As we review the miseries of sin which stalk us, there is much evil and weakness to be found in our own hearts. How we must cry to God to cleanse us through the mercy and merits of our Lord Jesus Christ! We also, as did David, pass through dark labyrinths of temptation which are built by others to ensnare us. Daily prayer to be delivered from evil is more necessary than we know. How vital are these prayers for marriage and family! How we wish home and hearth could be a refuge from fierce spiritual battles! Yet, often the greatest battles are fought in that very society. May God grant to his people an ever-increasing growth in the graces needed to live with our families as he would have us live.

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